TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR WORDS AND BEHAVIOUR TO CHANGE THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE
Copyright 2011 Universal Society of Bhakti Meditation
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR WORDS AND BEHAVIOUR TO CHANGE THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE.

Tongue is the most powerful force for good or evil. As Hamlet says, “I will speak daggers to her and use none”. We
should be extremely careful of what we say and the words we use. Never should we say something that would even
hurt a servant's feelings. Greatest of the battles and biggest of the crimes, like murder or suicide which involve so
much hurt, pain and misery is due to what we say. If we wish to live in peace then we ought to watch our words
and check our attitudes. We should learn to speak less but sweet. If someone insults us then don't show your
attitude but build the power to tolerate it.
If the elders in the family say something, then learn to tolerate it; however it would be considered a real bravery if
we can tolerate the insults coming from our youngsters. Our Vedic scriptures declare: “PARPEEDHA SUMA NAHI
ADHMAI". The greatest sin is said to be giving pain to others.  Lust, anger, greed and attachment always become
the cause of our downfall. Even if we have to scold someone to correct them, we need to remain completely humble
from within and only show the anger externally in acting. In this world, we will have to behave in the various
manners that are required in the given situation, showing different emotions but internally we are to remain
absolutely humble, gentle and calm.
Although this doesn't mean that if a robber breaks in then you give him a warm welcome. In such a case you have to
beat him up in self defense but internally remain absolutely unaffected. Our scriptures give a very clear teaching
regarding this!  In the battle of Mahabharata, Arjun killed thousands of people but internally remained peacefully
normal.
  
HOW TO PRACTICE THIS DUAL BEHAVIOUR?
We always practice two kinds of behavior in the world. For example, if someone comes to your home and you don't
like him, but in acting you welcome him, give him tea and snacks but internally you want him to go away. In the
office if the employer scolds the employee then the employee humbles down, that instant saying sorry, but
internally he is getting very upset and feels like giving him back. A little child cries out loudly to get the mothers
attention and has his desire fulfilled: in reality there is not even a single tear drop in the child's eyes but he knows
that the mother will fulfill his demand if he cries out loudly. Even that little child is having a dual behavior. As a
child grows up, he has to learn to behave in two different ways or else he can't survive in this world. Everyone has a
split personality. It is a shame that most people are internally wrong and externally right, when in reality it should
be vice versa. One needs to have a very strong will power and also needs to be spiritually wise, not to disturb the
inner peace while externally behaving as if angry, lusty or greedy. We are unable to do this because we don't have
our minds under control and neither are we completely surrendered to the teachings of our great spiritual teachers.
That's why God  realised saints alone, when they descend in this material world for the welfare of mankind, they
easily behave like material souls, externally showing lust, anger, greed and so on, but internally remaining in the
state of perfect bliss. However, we worldly people are internally truly greedy, lusty, angry or jealous but externally
behave very sweetly as if we are completely free of lust, anger, or greed completely hiding our inner feelings. Every
material soul is capable of doing this. However, we need to practice to be perfectly happy and calm internally even
if we have to show our harsh and strict behavior externally, for the welfare of others.
This can be only done with proper knowledge about the nature and reality of the world and the mind.
Suppose one of the family members or your best friend insults you or scolds you, no doubt on hearing this you will
feel bad but, if you talk back then their anger will increase, then our reaction can be even worse. In such a
competition, the situation can get dangerously out of control and as a result of this beating up, divorce, killing etc.
take place. Therefore, we have to play safe by first of all keeping absolutely quiet and then with intelligence fight the
anger that has arisen in the mind, by accepting the fact that I am also endowed with all kinds of faults. So why
should I feel bad? Secondly, we should realize that the other person has got the idea that his selfishness will be
destroyed or will not be satisfied by me, hence he is insulting me in anger but, it will pass over soon and things will
be okay, when he is back to normal. Thus, by wisely thinking of few reasons in the mind and without making a
mountain out of a mole, just finish the matter there and then. Then slowly calm down or else internally anger will
continue to burn and harm us. In the worldly relations, this is the first principle of application, just don't speak a
word back to the person who is angrily spitting out insults, simply walk away from the sight if possible or at least
take a vow of silence if you can't walk away but at no cost we should get angry internally. We have to keep
practicing this behavior but, in case someday we forget and speak out, immediately stop it. For example, when
cooking ,sometimes the towel catches fire while handling the pot but the cook instantly catches hold on the spot and
extinguishes the fire however, if he is careless and ignores it, then the longer he takes to attend to it the harder it
would become to extinguish the fire which would quickly grow wild. Hence, if he doesn't destroy the fire quickly
enough, the fire will destroy him. Likewise, when any of the faults like anger, greed, lust etc. arise in us, instantly
try to suppress it but if we ignore, then it will grow wild and the wilder it grows, the more difficult it would become
for us to deal with it.
For example, in this world anger is one of the most dangerous emotions and is taking away everyone's peace. The
root cause of domestic violence is mainly due to anger and the words that are exchanged between the parties. For
instance, the husband asks, ‘why is this laptop kept here?’ The wife replies, “so, should I keep it on my head.” Here
begins the words of anger!  Husband in trying to explain says, ‘I am not asking you to put it on your head but, why
it is not kept in the room?’ The wife replies, ‘what’s wrong, if it's kept here, will the robbers steal it?’ That is how the
argument begins and grows very wild and dangerous. Thus, the power of our words can be most deadly or most
beneficial. Most of the domestic violence or violence in general and tension is through words. That's why we need to
speak less but sweetly and if someone speaks abusive language, just cut it off right away and don't allow it to grow
wild. In case someone thinks that, if I don't say anything then the other party will take advantage of me then, this is
absolutely wrong philosophy. Because if one party remains silent, the other party after insulting verbally for a while ,
will automatically stop because of no exchange of words and the situation can be brought under control. We need to
practice this for sometime because we are imperfect human individuals endowed with faults and bound to make the
same mistakes. However, with constant practice one day we will have our inner self under control.
One important point to note is that our behavior needs to be changed according to the situation. If someone younger
to us is saying something wrong, then we can scold them and ask them to keep quiet. However, if someone older to
us is saying something, which may be wrong and if we talk back ,that will make the situation worse, choose to keep
quiet because he/she has the ego that I am older and hence will never accept what you may say specially when
he/she is angry. Thus our behavior should always be dependent on the kind of person we are dealing with; we need
to adjust it accordingly. We can not practice the same behavior universally but it is very important to note, that at no
cost our mental peace gets disturbed.
It is dangerous to always behave humble because the rogues will not leave us alone and it is also dangerous to
always behave arrogantly because then we can never take benefit from the elders. Therefore, how we need to
behave with a particular person in a given situation needs to be very tactfully tackled by our intelligence. A person
can never be successful in life if he/ she always behave in the same manner with everyone.
Therefore, deal with love when it comes to your own people; deal with mercy with the poor and needy, deal with
reverence and surrender with the true saints, deal with humility when it comes to the great scholars and deal with
bravery with the enemies. Such behavioral variation in varied situations and personals is the way to successful living
in the world. Nevertheless, my main point is that even when our external behavior is harsh and negative, we should
remain calm and positive from within.
What is the cleverness in getting angry on someone and hurting someone and also getting hurt while burning in
anger? Moreover, try to understand the nature of the people we are always dealing with, like our parents, spouse,
siblings, children, in laws, and so forth, because you can't run away from them. So learn to understand their nature
and do the acting in the manner that they don't feel hurt and the situation is kept under control and your work is
smoothly carried out.
Another very important philosophy to be remembered is that apart from God, we are never to lay our full trust in
anyone, be it the parents, children, spouse, neighbors, friends, or anyone for that matter. Every individual soul is
under Maya and for their selfish reasons they all tell lies. Everyone is endowed with all the faults and no one can
even lift a finger for the happiness of another. So never fall in the trap laid by another, thinking that he loves me
truly. Everyone is searching for their true love, so be very cautious with the entire world. Realize this truth that the
more one bows down to you, the more one needs his selfishness fulfilled from you. Be careful of such people.
Hence, always keep this philosophy in your mind that everyone is selfish in this entire world and never fall in their
trap of deception. Always apply your intellect and rationalize every dealing in life. However, when the subject of
God or God realised Saints comes, then completely surrender and stop applying your intellect. Just as when a sick
person visits a doctor he has to fully abide by what the doctor prescribes and not to apply his own intellect.
In conclusion, we have to learn this dual behavior.  With God and God realised Saints, become like an innocent child,
surrender your mind and intellect completely and obtain bliss. In the world, apply your complete intelligence and
become very smart. In acting you can also behave as if you are with the person but internally remain absolutely
detached and don't get fooled by their sweet words or behavior. In any case, all the worldly people are selfish and at
the most what they can give to anyone is the temporary worldly pleasure and that too only till their selfishness is
satisfied.
Teachings from my spiritual master a God realized Saint, His Divine Excellency JAGADGURU SHRI KRIPALU JI
MAHARAJ.
Sushree Gopeshwari Devi ji is one of the foremost preachers of His Divinity Jagadguru Shri Kripalu ji Maharaj.   
gdidi@usbm.org     She is a teacher for (JKP)Radha Madhav Dham, Austin, TX  www.RadhaMadhavDham.org
Copyright 2011 Universal Society of Bhakti Meditation